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Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 162010 times)
Ringo
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« Reply #3945 on: January 11, 2018, 05:21:24 PM »

Not all will get the punch line as probably not old enough to remember but for those of that are and can relate enjoy.

Here’s a quick one about the good old days!

It’s 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue’s father answers the door and invites him in.

He asks Bobby what they’re planning to do on the date. Bobby politely responds that they’ll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.

Peggy Sue’s father suggests, “Why don’t you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.”

Bobby is shocked. “Excuse me, sir?”

“Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She’ll screw all night if we let her.”

Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she’s ready to go.

About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, “Dad! The Twist! It’s called the Twist!”

WOOPS!
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Ringo
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« Reply #3946 on: January 11, 2018, 09:25:26 PM »

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Ringo
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« Reply #3947 on: January 12, 2018, 10:21:36 AM »

Three elderly women are talking about their troubles.

“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said Ruth, the 60-year-old, “You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time nothing happens.”

“Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 70-year-old, Maxine. “When you’re 70, you don’t have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothing happens.”

“Actually,” said Gilda, the 80-year-old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.”

“Do you have trouble peeing too?” asked Ruth.

“No, I pee every morning at 6 a.m. I pee like a racehorse; no problem at all.”

“Do you have trouble with your bowel movements?” Maxine questioned.

“No, I have one every morning at 6:30 a.m,” Gilda responded.

Puzzled with this, Ruth said, “Let’s get this straight. You pee every morning at 6 a.m. and poop every morning at 6:30 a.m. So what’s so tough about being 80?”

“I don’t wake up until 7.”
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Ringo
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« Reply #3948 on: January 14, 2018, 01:54:02 PM »

One evening, a beautiful 17 year old daughter came home, feeling slightly worried. Her dad noticed that something was wrong, and repeatedly asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about.

Finally, the daughter revealed what had been bothering her. Her new boyfriend had said something that she hadn’t quite understood.

“He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper,” the 17-year-old said.

Her dad leaned back in his chair and took a few deep breaths to keep his anger at bay.

He said to his daughter, “You tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, then I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he’ll start leaking out of his exhaust pipe!”
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« Reply #3949 on: January 14, 2018, 02:41:11 PM »

Some Maoris turn up at the Pearly Gates and are confronted by St.Peter.
"What do you want?" asks St.Peter.
"We wanna come in!" the Maoris reply.
"Hang on," says St.Peter. "Let me go and check with God."
So St.Peter goes to up to God and says, "We've got some Maoris at the Pearly Gates who want to come in."
God thinks for a second and says, "No, tell them to bugger off."
St.Peter leaves and then returns shortly after to tell God, "They're gone."
God nods and says, "The Maoris."
St.Peter replies, "No! The Pearly Gates."
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Ringo
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« Reply #3950 on: January 14, 2018, 06:17:20 PM »

Love this one.

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